Poetry: Shattered Soul

By Monica C. Voskamp

Shattered soul

Broken discarded and overused.

You are shattered

Yet still you breathe.


In your jagged broken pieces

You gulp in short bursts of

Twisted Oxygen

By allowing your soul

To shatter a little more.


A little more pleasure

A little more hurt

A little more abuse

A little more of anything

To numb all the ache

Of every jagged edge

Of every painful memory

Of every single day

You regret.


Shattered soul

You think you’re beyond repair.

Maybe it’s true

But maybe it’s not.

And that 50/50 chance

Is what you’ve got

Working for you.


Don’t worry how you look in the mirror.

Don’t worry what the past says is true.

Let your broken pieces be seen

For the agony they reflect

For the wound they portray.

Bare naked your broken

And give love a chance

To meet you there

Shattered Soul.


Always hope. Always believe. Always love. 💕

*Photo Credit:

Poetry: ..dark torture..

By Monica C. Voskamp


Run. Run. You can run,

But the pain will still find you.


Numb. Numb. You can numb,

But the pain is still inside you.


Deny. Deny. Oh girl, you can deny,

But darling, the truth is

Your pain is very much alive.


Cry-yes, you will cry

It’s just part of the undoing.


Scream- yes, you will scream

As the wound is opened

And there is probing.


Regret. Regret. But you will not,


You will not regret opening

The whole of your soul.


You will not regret saying:

Love, meet me right here.

Meet me in this dark abyss,

This dark torture named


Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

**Photo Credit: Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

For the Warrior in You.

By Monica C. Voskamp

You are a warrior. And you may not see or feel it right now, but hope is standing strong with you.

Don’t be discouraged by being in the thick of the battle, but be encouraged you are standing in the battle.

You are *in*.
You’re a fighter.
You’re loyal.
You’re committed.

You haven’t given up.

Not every day sees the end of a battle. Not every day holds the triumph of a win.
But every day is a purposeful cause; the battle is still on. As long as you have breathe, it’s never game over.

Even when it feels like you are losing, be assured: you are actually winning. You are after all a warrior.

You are chosen, and chosen for your fight alone. Keep on warrior. We all are fighting our own battles too. You are not so very alone. We are in this together. ❤


Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

*Cover Photo Credit: Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

The real issue isn’t the issue..

By Monica C. Voskamp

Why do we (continually) do things we regret? Why do we submit ourselves to a cycle of abuse when we abhor it so much?

In short, the moment of pleasure and immediate comfort is cherished more than the repercussions of pain and the work of resolution.

There are many reasons we do what we do,  why we *continue* to do it…but I think there comes a point to realize the glaring issue isn’t the real issue to deal with anymore.

The first time I was called fat, I was a little girl. It re-labeled me. It changed how I saw myself, how I acted and reacted in life.

These words hurt me. People failed me one too many times. I soon found something that gave me immediate pleasure: Food.  The problem was it never was enough.  Whenever I was conflicted, dejected, rejected, disappointed, I sought out this instant relief. However, this ‘relief’ brought me more misery…my body suffered physically and emotionally I never experienced healing from the hurt. Instead I self-soothed the way I first knew how.  I “protected” the hurt from any other “healing”. I think this is natural response. You’re scared. You were hurt. Its frightening to do something different with an area so vulnerable, so locked deep in yourself.

Still, food wasn’t the solution, but in my little mind it did the trick. However, it turned on me. Addictions do that; they turn on you. 

Yes there was a beginning point, a hurt, an injustice…something went wrong, but the things is it never got dealt with rightly.

We naturally look for fixes-whether in food, sex, alcohol, achievements, cheap thrills…you know your fix. You also know it’s not really a fix. It’s a “jimmy-fix”…what you do on old cars when you want them to last just a little longer.  That’s what we’re doing with addictions, just trying to make it through another day. To fix the problem feels too overwhelming.

If “jimmy-fixes” (quick reliefs) are ALL you are ever giving yourself, don’t expect success. Except survival, disappointment, more hurt. Don’t expect an improved relationship, the debt to be gone, the arguments to dissipate, the hurting inside to stop.  Don’t expect things to just get better.

We all know covering the surface scratch doesn’t repair the deep inner damage.

For years, I did ‘minor repairs’ for my emotional complex, my broken sense of identity.

I self-soothed through the quick fix of food. As I aged, I tried to approach my food addiction various times…. dieting, counseling, renewed resolutions blah blah blah. I saw some temporary results, but nothing lasting. I never had the guts to expose the real issue: the issue inside of me. I hated me. I didn’t realize this, till later. Truth is, I was way too scared to confront the hurt.

Who isn’t afraid of facing the overwhelming, of what caused the addiction and the addiction itself?

It’s more comfortable to ignore, to hide from the awful reality, than confront.

Long ago I pegged myself incompetent, unable, a misfit. These messages were reinforced with circumstances, with people in my childhood. The thing is I was also tuned into this channel defeat. I didn’t stand back and see the good input that was happening. Kids are pretty smart but they are also kids. They are ever absorbing, ever reinforcing and building their viewpoints of how life, how people should operate.

I think as adults, we have to revisit those pillars. What if we stood back and,

1. Acknowledge the initial hurt. (Sometimes going backwards allows us to go forward)

2. Create new life giving messages. (The way we think, greatly impacts our behavior)

3. Allow change in our life. (Addictive behaviors don’t promote healing, find something that does.)

This was me when I was 29 years old, 248 pounds. I was freaking out over my chaotic cycles of bingeing, looking for relief, but never getting any. I finally faced myself, the hurt, the real issue. I had come to hate myself…and that’s what needed healing. I had rejected myself based on other’s opinions and reviews of me. New messages in my thinking were needed, not more food.

The day I saw 248 pounds I told myself I needed to do something radically different.  I vowed I would do whatever it took.  I didn’t understand or have a complete grasp on the details right away, but I had a distinct turn in my mind.

This healing message dawned on me: Mon, you hold power in your hands. You CAN do something about this life-long battle.

I admitted the TRUTH of the situation: It was an enormous mountain.  It would take a lot of work.

I took responsibility: (The addiction) was MY mess. At the end of the day, only I could create lasting change.  I was now in pursuit of resolving. I was going forward, with fear no longer stopping me. See how much that revolves with me…”I” statements?  (Not to say, I didn’t ask for help along the way! And a phrase from the book of Psalms gave me a new motto….being a woman of “strong courage”)

The thing is I stopped making excuses for my addictive behavior and started with what what I could do.  I took my wobbly unsteady 248 pound insecure self and began short daily walks of 10 minutes, outside.

Previously, I had been used to exercising inside, hiding, I was too ashamed of my body, of my condition. I didn’t want people to see me.

Hiding never promotes healing. It breeds fear, shame, guilt and reinforces the same behaviors. You need to be found, unhidden in order to heal. 


The turning point of resolution, for healing is:

-admitting I WANT to deal with my situation.

-moving ahead, instead of spinning circles.

-seeing myself capable, instead of incapable.

-believing in success, instead of doomed to failure.

-aiming for progress not perfection

It may be debt. It may be the unspoken secrets destroying your marriage. It may be hidden addictions. Whatever issues are overwhelming you will best be healed when you look deeper within.

However, when it comes down to it,  many prefer to stay stuck. Many of us will suffer the abuse, the pain, the debt, the hurt of addictions INSTEAD of seeking resolution. Why?  Resolution requires a cost.

Resolution takes:  honesty. work. courage. new paths. letting go.

We can get comfortable in our struggles. We can become more SCARED of good changes than we are the pain, the problem. It’s rightly so.

You are going into a new territory. You are dealing with something sensitive. But a war was never won with a leader who was too scared of the risks, too scared to lose the comfort of what he had, too scared he would fail. He was already losing. He saw what he could gain, he admitted it would take more than his own power and resources. That leader saw a cause worth pursuing, and he pursued.

The thing to fear isn’t the issues or addictions, the thing to fear is your  own complacency.

As soon as you believe a cause is worth pursuing, you WILL do whatever it takes to win that battle. Even if you die still halfway in the process, you will have made successes. You will have covered new ground. You will have inspired others and gained new appreciation for yourself.

Courageous steps are never a loss, they are always celebratory.

My boss once told me this: you can always learn from your mistake and recover that ground.  But if you do nothing, it gives a bad impression, like you don’t care or aren’t willing to even try. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.  Wise words. That leader taught me this:

Don’t expect to execute immediate perfection in a new situation. Simply do something..do progression.

Facing the big mountains in our life isn’t easy. I’ve experienced it. It’s still hard…to be brave, to put in effort and forge my fears, but it’s also still rewarding, empowering,  life-changing, soul healing.

That is a good price to pay. When you believe in your investment, you WILL see revenue.

Stop overthinking the fears, spit out your pride and step into the progression, not perfection.

The real issue is more about you, and less about the overwhelming situation.  Are you willing? Do you want this bad enough? There are resources! There are other people on this planet to help you. But the thing is, it’s starts with you.

You are capable. You are intelligent. You are powerful. And your life matters.

Believe it. You will not regret it. 🙂

Always believe. Always hope. Always love. ❤

*Photo Credits: Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash



The Void, the Voice.

By Monica C. Voskamp


the Void inside.

such a deep dark hole.

a bottomless pit.

who could, who has

escaped it?


the Voice inside.

such a persistent thing.

it calls me names.

it tells me lies.

it keeps on, keeps on



the Void. the Voice.

my soul begs to be released.

released from fear, shame, guilt,

all this mad suffering.


the Void. the Voice.

how come I can’t realize

the Voice inside dictates

the Void inside?


Soul Speak.

speak deep into me.

speak healing into these

areas much too hard for me.

speak your power of wisdom,

kindness, love and truth.

speak your voice, oh soul,

speak into me.


Photo Credit: Photo by Molly Belle on Unsplash


Always love. Always hope. Always believe in these. ❤